Unhinged fans, bad jokes, cake: How Cowboys' opponents announced their 2024 schedules (2024)

$1 for 6 months

$1 for 6 months

The Saints’ skit revolved around interviewing candidates for a social media intern position within the organization, after a series of boring real-life posts made all day long that had led up to the reveal. Plenty of New Orleans celebs and football notables made guest appearances, but there were no opponent-specific bits.

The Ravens brought in Baltimore comedian Stavvy Halkias as “Ronnie,” who gets the company credit card and marching orders from head coach John Harbaugh to go out into the city and initiate hijinks, revealing the team’s opponents along the way. Ronnie is downing some adult beverages outside Oriole Park at Camden Yards when the Cowboys get their shout-out.

The Giants put out 60 seconds of man-on-the-street interviews about how dumb schedule release videos are. That’s it. The organization clearly used up all their creativity on how they would unveil the most hideous throwback uniforms in the league the next morning.

Steelers players were tasked with trying to make team legend James Harrison laugh in return for a peek at the schedule. Dreadful dad jokes were themed to each of Pittsburgh’s upcoming opponents; Dallas got one about “ghost cowboys” and “booooooots” delivered by tight end Rodney Williams. Harrison didn’t so much as crack a smile. You won’t either, except at some of the linebacker’s deadpan reactions.

Detroit comedians Tim Robinson and Sam Richardson riffed on video ideas that were shot down and then ad-libbed with a silly mocked-up contraption in a parking lot before simply introducing a scrolling list of the 2024 schedule. The graphics team had some fun syncing the back half of the list with the comics’ shenanigans, but the whole thing dragged on for about twice as long as it should have.

The 49ers did two videos. The first features some pretty incredible work from artist Rita Oak, who became famous doing illustrations of Jimmy Garoppolo. Her drawing of the Week 8 Cowboys showdown depicts a gold-rusher who bears a resemblance to Brock Purdy entering an Old West saloon full of gunslingers who look like Dak Prescott. The team released a second video with local fan Steph Sanchez doing her spot-on vocal impression of Nick Bosa, followed by Bosa cruising around on his boat.

The Falcons nailed it with their takeoff of the NFL Street video game. There are tons of local references and wink-wink inside jokes for Atlanta residents, and each opponent gets a special animated diss during the action. Dallas is featured when Kyle Pitts’s avatar stiff-arms a player wearing a No. 96 Cowboys jersey (for the last time they won a Super Bowl). There’s even a “Go Lakers!” yell, a nod to the team’s notorious bandwagon-jumping fans.

At least the Philly fans are self-aware. The team’s video has their most colorful actual fans undergoing psychological testing to gauge their readiness for the ’24 season. Santa Claus makes an appearance, telling the doctor that the sight of the Cowboys logo makes him “nauseous,” and another fan refuses to touch the Rorshach card with the star on it. Superfan Jamie Pagliei (you’ll recognize him) even plays word-association: “Dallas. Blows. Cowboys. [Expletive.]” Stay classy, Philadelphia.

Houston jumps on the hydraulic press video trend for their reveal. (So did Kansas City, by the way.) The Texans spotlight the Cowboys with a jar of blue sand and a sticky note that reads, “It’s our year” before the press comes down. Yawn.

The Commanders show various objects relating to each opponent so viewers can guess whether each one is cake or not. The Cowboys’ ten-gallon hat for Week 12 is cake (the scale was all wrong to be a real hat), and the Week 18 star isn’t trying to look like anything but cake. A few of the references were funny, but this video feels several years late on the cake trend.

It’s kids versus mascots in the Bengals’ video, with overstuffed tiger characters looking for new and inventive ways to take down children on a football practice field. There’s a lasso gimmick to represent the Week 14 Monday night matchup with the Cowboys.

Carolina gave their players brushes and canvasses and told them to paint a portrait of a teammate. There’s decent comedy in watching grown men fumble about with art supplies but no jabs at their opponents, which are revealed with each finished product. As a bonus, though, the team did use onetime Cowboys quarterback Andy Dalton to spotlight their Week 15 matchup with Dallas.

The Bucs also got artsy with their video, featuring some often elaborate work from local artists using different media. Game details are dropped throughout, and they’re so subtle that you may miss some. Shots of the art are interspersed with franchise heroes talking about the game in abstract terms.